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Treatment for unwanted and unique Sexual Desires
at the Huddersfield and Manchester Hypnotherapy Clinic

People with unique sexual desires, such as fetishes, may not have what would typically be called a 'problem', but such unique sexual desires can become a problem if the desire becomes 'out of control' in a relationship or where the partner does not share that desire. Typical unique sexual desires include;

  • Unwanted fetishes.
  • Sadomasochistic tendencies (S&M), Masochistic tendencies.
  • BDSM (Domination an submission).
  • Unwanted cross-dressing.
  • Unwanted use of pornography.

Unwanted fetishes

People with fetishes are generally sexually aroused by objects that are not classically defined as sexual objects, such as shoes, rubber, or leather. Mild fetishes can result in sexual arousal by the fetish object and indeed their partner. This, however, can become a problem (particularly in relationships) when all that is required to feel full sexual fulfilment is the fetish object alone, which may then be at the expense of sexual activities with their partner. The fetish then may become the source of friction within an otherwise loving and caring relationship. This can then lead the person with the fetish to feel abnormal, guilty, embarrassed and other such negative emotions, which can then lead to depression.

Sadomasochistic and masochistic tendencies

Sadomasochism is deriving sexual pleasure or gratification by the action of inflicting pain upon another person. Conversely, masochism is the deriving of sexual pleasure or gratification upon receiving the infliction of pain from another person. These activities involve binding (restriction of movement by ropes, chains etc.), humiliation, or other ways to inflict to receive a very real sense of suffering. This can act as a enhancement of/or substitute for sexual pleasure. Within sadomasochistic or masochistic acts there is a prevalence of domination and submission. Indeed, heterosexual couples may role-play, with the woman being more dominant over the man to 'spice up' their sex lives, as a way of counteracting the norm of the man being dominant over the women. This switch of domination for submission leads of feelings of vulnerability, which can be sexually interesting and exciting for both partners.

Masochists are not usually willing to receive just any form of pain. Generally only enjoying pain received in the context of being submissive from someone enforcing authority and in a sexual context. Sadists will usually only inflict pain if the context in which he/she is doing so is to enforce domination and humiliate the receiver (which may be at the indirect pleasure of the receiver if he/she is masochistic).

Domination and submission

BDSM (domination and submission, or "bondage") can be confused with sadomasochism and masochism but there are essential differences, namely in the general absence of physical pain and the absence of negative emotions like humiliation, and the creating of suffering.

BDSM applies to a sexual context where one person becomes submissive and the other becomes dominant. Clearly, in a world of shades of grey, BDSM can easily spill over boundaries in the realm of sadomasochism and masochism and vice versa, but generally speaking this does not happen.

People partaking in BDSM sexual activities may negotiate and decide at any point to switch roles, from being dominant to submissive and vice versa. BDSM can be a very useful practice for long-term partners to explore their own sexual boundaries and to learn about each other vulnerabilities. Unlike sadomasochism and masochism, BDSM does not usually involve pain, suffering, and humiliation, in fact, conversely, it can be founded on mutual respect for each other. Indeed the essential trust and rapport needed to enjoy BDSM activities are similar to those essential elements needed to make any loving and long term relationship possible.

Unwanted cross-dressing

In today's society the boundaries between what Society considers 'normal' dress-sense and cross-dressing are becoming more and more overlapped, and this is probably not a bad thing. Indeed the market forces of the London and Paris fashion industry have been open in exhibiting ranges of skirts for men. There are many reasons why men would wish to cross dress. These include:

  • Cross-dressing to challenge social norms and to 'shock'.
  • Cross-dressing to disguise true identity.
  • Cross-dressing as a simple matter of comfort and style (fashion).
  • Cross-dressing for purely theatrical reasons (e.g. pantomime).
  • Male cross-dressing to demonstrate awareness and express their feminine side.
  • Female cross-dressing to demonstrate awareness and express their masculine side.

This list is by no means exhaustive and is only a problem to the cross-dresser is he or she perceives it as a problem.

Unwanted use of pornography

Pornography is abundant in our society and, indeed, many may consider some levels of pornography healthy and find it's use adds to a perfectly healthy sexual lifestyle. It becomes a problem when one partner perceives it as a problem. An addiction to pornography can become a major problem when one partner, in what would otherwise be a healthy sexual relationship, is 'into it' and the other isn't. Pornography addiction may also lead to one partner preferring the use of pornography to having real sex, which is clearly going to cause a problem within a relationship.

Pornography addiction is a type of obsessive compulsive disorder, where the act of viewing, listening to, reading, thinking about pornographic materials becomes a self-isolating obsession, and it is at this point that the addicted person may feel that the pornography has become a problem.

Sexual satisfaction from pornography may become an addiction and preference to real-life sexual experience if someone has feelings of inadequacy (performance anxiety) over real-life sex (such anxiety may be generated by feelings of being unable to satisfy their partners). In this case, the person may prefer pornography over real-life sex; some form of sexual excitement and satisfaction is achieved, whilst they are guaranteed not to have any feelings of guilt and shame associated with feelings of not being able to satisfy their partner. Conversely, though, the attempt not to experience the guilt and shame associated with performance anxiety via sexual satisfaction through pornographic means, will lead to feelings of guilt and shame at covertly gaining sexual gratification through pornography and keeping this secret or separate from their partner. It is clear that whichever route the person decides to take, there is no escaping the feeling of guilt and shame.

With the Internet now being well established, pornography from soft- to hard-core is now easily available with none of the usual embarrassment of purchasing magazines from top shelves of newsagents. This has lead to an increase in the number of cases of people experiencing pornography addiction, at the expense of real-life sexual experience.

People often visit me with all kinds of sexual problems or issues so please be assured that you will feel at ease discussing such issues with me. You will find me completely non-judgemental and easy going so you'll feel at ease when you visit me at the Huddersfield Hypnotherapy Clinic or the Manchester Hypnotherapy Clinic (UK). If you would like help to overcome any sexual fetishes or addictions that are causing problems in your life, please contact me to arrange a free consultation with no obligation so that we can have a chat about your specific needs and allow me to inform you of the ways in which I will be able to assist.

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