Treatment for unwanted and unique Sexual Desires
at the Huddersfield and Manchester Hypnotherapy Clinic
People with unique sexual desires, such as fetishes, may not
have what would typically be called a 'problem', but such unique
sexual desires can become a problem if the desire becomes 'out
of control' in a relationship or where the partner does not share
that desire. Typical unique sexual desires include;
- Unwanted fetishes.
- Sadomasochistic tendencies (S&M), Masochistic tendencies.
- BDSM (Domination an submission).
- Unwanted cross-dressing.
- Unwanted use of pornography.
People with fetishes are generally sexually aroused by objects
that are not classically defined as sexual objects, such as shoes,
rubber, or leather. Mild fetishes can result in sexual arousal
by the fetish object and indeed their partner. This, however,
can become a problem (particularly in relationships) when all
that is required to feel full sexual fulfilment is the fetish
object alone, which may then be at the expense of sexual activities
with their partner. The fetish then may become the source of friction
within an otherwise loving and caring relationship. This can then
lead the person with the fetish to feel abnormal, guilty, embarrassed
and other such negative emotions, which can then lead to depression.
Sadomasochistic and masochistic tendencies
Sadomasochism is deriving sexual pleasure or gratification by
the action of inflicting pain upon another person. Conversely,
masochism is the deriving of sexual pleasure or gratification
upon receiving the infliction of pain from another person. These
activities involve binding (restriction of movement by ropes,
chains etc.), humiliation, or other ways to inflict to receive
a very real sense of suffering. This can act as a enhancement
of/or substitute for sexual pleasure. Within sadomasochistic or
masochistic acts there is a prevalence of domination and submission.
Indeed, heterosexual couples may role-play, with the woman being
more dominant over the man to 'spice up' their sex lives, as a
way of counteracting the norm of the man being dominant over the
women. This switch of domination for submission leads of feelings
of vulnerability, which can be sexually interesting and exciting
for both partners.
Masochists are not usually willing to receive just any form of
pain. Generally only enjoying pain received in the context of
being submissive from someone enforcing authority and in a sexual
context. Sadists will usually only inflict pain if the context
in which he/she is doing so is to enforce domination and humiliate
the receiver (which may be at the indirect pleasure of the receiver
if he/she is masochistic).
Domination and submission
BDSM (domination and submission, or "bondage") can
be confused with sadomasochism and masochism but there are essential
differences, namely in the general absence of physical pain and
the absence of negative emotions like humiliation, and the creating
BDSM applies to a sexual context where one person becomes submissive
and the other becomes dominant. Clearly, in a world of shades
of grey, BDSM can easily spill over boundaries in the realm of
sadomasochism and masochism and vice versa, but generally speaking
this does not happen.
People partaking in BDSM sexual activities may negotiate and decide
at any point to switch roles, from being dominant to submissive
and vice versa. BDSM can be a very useful practice for long-term
partners to explore their own sexual boundaries and to learn about
each other vulnerabilities. Unlike sadomasochism and masochism,
BDSM does not usually involve pain, suffering, and humiliation,
in fact, conversely, it can be founded on mutual respect for each
other. Indeed the essential trust and rapport needed to enjoy
BDSM activities are similar to those essential elements needed
to make any loving and long term relationship possible.
In today's society the boundaries between what Society considers
'normal' dress-sense and cross-dressing are becoming more and
more overlapped, and this is probably not a bad thing. Indeed
the market forces of the London and Paris fashion industry have
been open in exhibiting ranges of skirts for men. There are many
reasons why men would wish to cross dress. These include:
- Cross-dressing to challenge social norms and to 'shock'.
- Cross-dressing to disguise true identity.
- Cross-dressing as a simple matter of comfort and style (fashion).
- Cross-dressing for purely theatrical reasons (e.g. pantomime).
- Male cross-dressing to demonstrate awareness and express
their feminine side.
- Female cross-dressing to demonstrate awareness and express
their masculine side.
This list is by no means exhaustive and is only a problem to
the cross-dresser is he or she perceives it as a problem.
Unwanted use of pornography
Pornography is abundant in our society and, indeed, many may
consider some levels of pornography healthy and find it's use
adds to a perfectly healthy sexual lifestyle. It becomes a problem
when one partner perceives it as a problem. An addiction to pornography
can become a major problem when one partner, in what would otherwise
be a healthy sexual relationship, is 'into it' and the other isn't.
Pornography addiction may also lead to one partner preferring
the use of pornography to having real sex, which is clearly going
to cause a problem within a relationship.
Pornography addiction is a type of obsessive
compulsive disorder, where the act of viewing, listening to,
reading, thinking about pornographic materials becomes a self-isolating
obsession, and it is at this point that the addicted person may
feel that the pornography has become a problem.
Sexual satisfaction from pornography may become an addiction and
preference to real-life sexual experience if someone has feelings
of inadequacy (performance anxiety) over real-life sex (such anxiety
may be generated by feelings of being unable to satisfy their
partners). In this case, the person may prefer pornography over
real-life sex; some form of sexual excitement and satisfaction
is achieved, whilst they are guaranteed not to have any feelings
of guilt and shame associated with feelings of not being able
to satisfy their partner. Conversely, though, the attempt not
to experience the guilt and shame associated with performance
anxiety via sexual satisfaction through pornographic means, will
lead to feelings of guilt and shame at covertly gaining sexual
gratification through pornography and keeping this secret or separate
from their partner. It is clear that whichever route the person
decides to take, there is no escaping the feeling of guilt and
With the Internet now being well established, pornography from
soft- to hard-core is now easily available with none of the usual
embarrassment of purchasing magazines from top shelves of newsagents.
This has lead to an increase in the number of cases of people
experiencing pornography addiction, at the expense of real-life
People often visit me with all kinds of sexual problems or issues
so please be assured that you will feel at ease discussing such
issues with me. You will find me completely non-judgemental and
easy going so you'll feel at ease when you visit me at the Huddersfield Hypnotherapy Clinic or the Manchester
Hypnotherapy Clinic (UK). If you would like help to overcome any sexual fetishes or addictions that are causing problems in your life, please contact
me to arrange a free
consultation with no obligation so that we can have a chat
about your specific needs and allow me to inform you of the ways
in which I will be able to assist.